The Episcopal Bishop of Springfield is an Ignorant Sod
I’m not going to call the bishop a liar.
I’m not going to, despite any personal feelings I may or may not have on the matter. And there is a very important, legal reason why I’m not going to call him a liar. It is a great irony of our justice system that calling someone a liar or a fraud can be grounds for a liable suit, but calling someone a smegma coated, dung eating gutter whore is accepted. You see, expletives are okay. So I will not be calling anyone a liar, a fraud, a charlatan, or a bigot in this. But if you don’t like swearing, too fucking bad.
Last night, myself and about seventy other members of St. Matthews Episcopal Church got together for a discussion with the bishop of the Diocese of Springfield (the diocese it belongs too), Peter H Beckwith (alias Bishop Asshole). The discussion was about St. Matthews’ search for a new rector- it’s been without a priest for 18 months now. The reasons that there still is no priest are multiple, but they basically either boil down to sex (if you’re Bishop Penisface), or to Bishop Cum Guzzler’s own brooding ego and my-way-or-no-way attitude (if, you know, you’re anyone in the St. Matthews’ congregation).
Last night, after comparing himself to Moses (who may or may not have been a real person), Bishop Petey (who may or may not rape dogs) went on and on for 45 minutes about how the Episcopal Church of America was strangling itself to death because of its openness to homosexuals in the clergy, because of its tolerance of ‘hedonistic culture’ instead of focusing purely on godliness and biblical law (biblical law prohibits shaving your sideburns, remember), and because That Woman- meaning the Presiding Bishop of all of the USA, Katherine Schori, who happens to be his boss- has tried to be inclusive and said that people of all faiths can get along together. For the record, potential dog rapist Bishop Petey has called her a heretic in public before. They used to burn heretics at the stake.
After rambling on for an eternity touching on such subjects as the horribleness of any sex outside of marriage, gay sex as the root of all evil in the universe, how only a ‘deranged mind’ could ever enjoy S & M (well, he’s not the first to call me deranged), and how divorce is evil and he’s been married 44 years during which I’m sure he’s had sex once or twice, Bishop Shiteater finally turned to the reason we were all there- getting our sexy church a sexy new rector. Honestly, I’m a little surprised he never mentioned how the only sex that isn’t sin is missionary, man on top. It’s a good thing I like sinning so much.
Claiming that his office has done everything it can to assist us and has been nothing but helpful- which is horse shit- the daft sod had the balls, which I’m sure were blue, to suggest that he wasn’t looking for the right fit for our church. What he’s interested is a dynamic leader who will get us off our asses and help save the church from sin, hedonism, and most likely butt sex. Christ on his throne! How can a man who spends so much fucking time talking about fun ways of fucking leave me so fucking bored? Shit god damn!
Opening the floor to questions, Bishop Titty Twister McGee managed to do his best to not answer a single one. Using confusing religious jargon, circular logic, and orthodox bullshit, Bishop Cockmaster refused to accept a shred of responsibility for the delays in finding a new priest. I know, I know, orthodox means different things to different people, but in my mind, being kosher is pretty orthodox. And BishopAssclown strikes me as a man who likes his pork.
The remarkable thing of it is that virtually the entire congregation is in agreement that ALL of the responsibility is on him and his office. What an ass. For months they delayed getting the paperwork for potential candidates to our search committee, then when we did get said paperwork and selected 17 people to be further investigated, the majority of them were rejected for not having been properly vetted by Bishop Buttface’s office. What the hell they were doing with them for all those months, no one really seems to know. Convenient. He had the gall to claim he’d only seen three resumes for the position, a bullshit claim that he had to recant once several people WHO WERE AT THE MEETING WIH HIM pointed out that he had gone over all 17 resumes personally. Isn’t selective memory a wonderful thing?
The entire debacle was nothing more than four hours of wasting time. Nothing was accomplished, other than getting the bullshit spewing Bishop Dirty Sanchez (I mean that as a sexual reference, no disrespect to anyone actually named Sanchez is implied) to state publicly that under no circumstances would he allow in a priest who agrees with the national church. Since we DO agree with the national church, we’re gridlocked. Fucking dingle berry bastard.
For the record, I never once swore at the man last night, nor did I raise my voice to shout at him. And once again, for the record, I never once in this entire writing said “Bishop Peter H. Beckwith of Springfield, Illinois is an egotistical, lying, manipulative tool, who cares only about his own personal power and refuses to compromise with anyone who disagrees with him on even the smallest issue. He is a man who fails to comprehend his own incompetence and will never seriously entertain the idea that he might be mistaken on anything. He is a hypocrite who cherry-picks minor bits of the bible for his own personal interest, and refuses to acknowledge that his ‘logic’ has any flaw, ever.” I DIDN’T say that here. And finally, for the record, I never said he rapes dogs.
I just never said he didn’t, either.
I’m not going to, despite any personal feelings I may or may not have on the matter. And there is a very important, legal reason why I’m not going to call him a liar. It is a great irony of our justice system that calling someone a liar or a fraud can be grounds for a liable suit, but calling someone a smegma coated, dung eating gutter whore is accepted. You see, expletives are okay. So I will not be calling anyone a liar, a fraud, a charlatan, or a bigot in this. But if you don’t like swearing, too fucking bad.
Last night, myself and about seventy other members of St. Matthews Episcopal Church got together for a discussion with the bishop of the Diocese of Springfield (the diocese it belongs too), Peter H Beckwith (alias Bishop Asshole). The discussion was about St. Matthews’ search for a new rector- it’s been without a priest for 18 months now. The reasons that there still is no priest are multiple, but they basically either boil down to sex (if you’re Bishop Penisface), or to Bishop Cum Guzzler’s own brooding ego and my-way-or-no-way attitude (if, you know, you’re anyone in the St. Matthews’ congregation).
Last night, after comparing himself to Moses (who may or may not have been a real person), Bishop Petey (who may or may not rape dogs) went on and on for 45 minutes about how the Episcopal Church of America was strangling itself to death because of its openness to homosexuals in the clergy, because of its tolerance of ‘hedonistic culture’ instead of focusing purely on godliness and biblical law (biblical law prohibits shaving your sideburns, remember), and because That Woman- meaning the Presiding Bishop of all of the USA, Katherine Schori, who happens to be his boss- has tried to be inclusive and said that people of all faiths can get along together. For the record, potential dog rapist Bishop Petey has called her a heretic in public before. They used to burn heretics at the stake.
After rambling on for an eternity touching on such subjects as the horribleness of any sex outside of marriage, gay sex as the root of all evil in the universe, how only a ‘deranged mind’ could ever enjoy S & M (well, he’s not the first to call me deranged), and how divorce is evil and he’s been married 44 years during which I’m sure he’s had sex once or twice, Bishop Shiteater finally turned to the reason we were all there- getting our sexy church a sexy new rector. Honestly, I’m a little surprised he never mentioned how the only sex that isn’t sin is missionary, man on top. It’s a good thing I like sinning so much.
Claiming that his office has done everything it can to assist us and has been nothing but helpful- which is horse shit- the daft sod had the balls, which I’m sure were blue, to suggest that he wasn’t looking for the right fit for our church. What he’s interested is a dynamic leader who will get us off our asses and help save the church from sin, hedonism, and most likely butt sex. Christ on his throne! How can a man who spends so much fucking time talking about fun ways of fucking leave me so fucking bored? Shit god damn!
Opening the floor to questions, Bishop Titty Twister McGee managed to do his best to not answer a single one. Using confusing religious jargon, circular logic, and orthodox bullshit, Bishop Cockmaster refused to accept a shred of responsibility for the delays in finding a new priest. I know, I know, orthodox means different things to different people, but in my mind, being kosher is pretty orthodox. And BishopAssclown strikes me as a man who likes his pork.
The remarkable thing of it is that virtually the entire congregation is in agreement that ALL of the responsibility is on him and his office. What an ass. For months they delayed getting the paperwork for potential candidates to our search committee, then when we did get said paperwork and selected 17 people to be further investigated, the majority of them were rejected for not having been properly vetted by Bishop Buttface’s office. What the hell they were doing with them for all those months, no one really seems to know. Convenient. He had the gall to claim he’d only seen three resumes for the position, a bullshit claim that he had to recant once several people WHO WERE AT THE MEETING WIH HIM pointed out that he had gone over all 17 resumes personally. Isn’t selective memory a wonderful thing?
The entire debacle was nothing more than four hours of wasting time. Nothing was accomplished, other than getting the bullshit spewing Bishop Dirty Sanchez (I mean that as a sexual reference, no disrespect to anyone actually named Sanchez is implied) to state publicly that under no circumstances would he allow in a priest who agrees with the national church. Since we DO agree with the national church, we’re gridlocked. Fucking dingle berry bastard.
For the record, I never once swore at the man last night, nor did I raise my voice to shout at him. And once again, for the record, I never once in this entire writing said “Bishop Peter H. Beckwith of Springfield, Illinois is an egotistical, lying, manipulative tool, who cares only about his own personal power and refuses to compromise with anyone who disagrees with him on even the smallest issue. He is a man who fails to comprehend his own incompetence and will never seriously entertain the idea that he might be mistaken on anything. He is a hypocrite who cherry-picks minor bits of the bible for his own personal interest, and refuses to acknowledge that his ‘logic’ has any flaw, ever.” I DIDN’T say that here. And finally, for the record, I never said he rapes dogs.
I just never said he didn’t, either.
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